It works for me (I dont really have a hobby Im just at school all the time). Try thinking back to those in hard times (or look at the older texts again like you do, I do that too haha). I m still jobless for more than 2yrs thinking about her problems all the time.i can marry her after getting a good job.i feel like my life is hell and but I am not selfish too. I did anything to help her, yet there seems to be no progress. So I fight. she is unable to talk to you to achieve closeness because of all she had to deal with in her head so she compensate this lack of connection by wanting more sex (sex is expression of the highest level of acceptance and intimacy with other person after all and you dont have to talk during this action) and when you refuse, because of the depressed state and has low self-esteem that accompanies it, she treats it like rejection. (All is Hell) I stopped seing my friends, I stopped trying to go out, everything was scaring me, literally, I was afraid that a plane will fall down on my home while I was sleeping, all the insane scenarios. Youve been shouldering a significant burden on your own for years; it sounds like you are ready to let someone help you carry the load. She will feel a million times worse than you what about how the other side feel and how they cant cope but just have to sit and wait for them to snap out of by the time they snap out of it they could be going to their partners funeral or word they wont be able to then look after their partner. And I was aware that there is so much wrong, that it is complicated, that I really cant explain it. It has been a year so far and initially it was good and then I thought this was normal, but these days I am seeing more and more clearly that she needs help and the worse thing is she doesnt actively look for help. Im so hurt lately, and she doesnt give it a mind, and she doesnt barely talk to me on the late days. If you have trouble finding a professional in your area, dont be discouragedit may mean youll have better luck doing a Google search or asking for a referral from a trusted health professional, such as your doctor. Shes not able to be there for me. I told her to leave him if he keeps bring her down. I have a problem and cant find anyone to tell Found that website and the posts here are very similar to mine. If things aren't going well, if there's a lack trust, or if you don't feel secure, then it makes sense that anxiety might become an issue. But of course this isn't the case in an unhealthy relationship. My girlfriend has jealousy along with paranoia, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder and some depression. A. I have been through many websites reading about relationship breakdowns when a partner is depressed and the most common thing is how the non depressed partner is feeling totally drained and feel their life has gone down hill leading them down the road to depression. Dear Armand, I tried hard to keep the relationship going, but I was alone in that battle. I didt wanted help, I didnt wanted to tell people how sad I am (and that I dont know why) to anyone. I am trying to help her but I could not help anymore than this.i could concentrate on caring myself, could not eat or sleep well. It truly could be your relationship that's to blame. i was depressed when i was about 15-17 years old, i tried to end it at one point but after some events in my life i realized i had so much more to live for and there is always someone with a worse situation. Reading all these comments makes me very sad and confused. I once found out my girlfriend was talking to some other guy. I still love him so much, but I think its the best choice for both of us. Am I codependent? To me all of these modern mental issues we see are a result of too much free time, too many choices and the conveniences we enjoy. I tried to break up with her but,she couldnt let me ago, how cant she,shes been saying were drifting apart were nothing you dont care about me just stop it.and now shes depressed,or think she is, and Im the one getting all the thoughts all the sadness. Welcome to Tissue Issues, an advice column from comedian Ash . Me being there, and supporting this whole time didnt count for anything. Dont worry too much about your girlfriend saying that you shouldnt talk to her anymore. He never told me his true feelings for me until he asked me to be his proper girlfriend (of corse I said yes) the first 3 months was perfect, He treat me like a princess even though he was depressed he was lovely, under one condition, if I didnt go see my friends and I didnt drink alcohol. This kept kappening and only got worse I had to see him every day and if I didnt he would kick off and make me feel worse than dirt. Most of you experienced it yourselves unless you are blessed with incredible good looks or a family wealth. Having your sh$t together isnt exactly essential for survival anymore. I have been with my girlfriend long distance for over a year now. Its your natural born right to be happy! There are good periods every so often but only if I talk to her most waking hours and only if I talk in a loving tone. Been experiencing something very similar in my relationship, I have been helping my girlfriend with her anxiety and depression for years as well and its been so long that often I feel down and hopeless too. I had a 3 month relationship with a depressed woman and it was comparable to a roller coaster ride at Disney land ups and downs it was beyond this world everything was my fault problems was created and misery was the icing on the cake. Or maybe it's because your partner is jealous, or mean, or absent. Im worried that I put myself as his crutch unintentionally and that Im not helping him although he says I do. She did not want to fight, and when I thought finally thing would become better, she just said that she did not have time or energy to focus on the relationship, and wanted to focus on herself. Relationships are supposed to build you up, be super supportive, and make you a better person. Like, a supermodel could walk by and your partner wouldn't bat at an eye. Even though we are long distance, I am finding it impossible to go on, and as I am at university, if I keep this up my grades are going to slip. This is the person who wants what you have - your charm, your wit, your success, your intelligence, your job, your partner, whatever - and because they don't think they . Being active/yoga, eating healthy and drinking lots of water can help a lot a lot. She is suffering from depression, anxiety, restlessness, nightmares, physical issues and so on. Her aggression and fights are only there to tell you that she needs help, and help in this case is outside you two therapy, friends, new experiences. Developing a strong therapeutic relationship with a clinician will afford you a much-needed opportunity to focus on yourself. The sad thing is when these ppl start showing their age and dont have their sh$t together. So its what you make of it. And it can be anything, anything for the wide spectre of psychological problems or disorders. Shes suffered from depression throughout our relationship. were so messed up its insane. you're being dragged down by your partner, suddenly feel yourself worrying constantly, the balance between sleep and wakefulness, leave you feeling perfectly drained of energy. These people are emotionally selfish they may not do it on purpose but they will take away everything that defines you and then you will be a empty shell . This girl was everything I wanted, such a good partner, listener, so smart, sensitive. I have been dating my girlfriend for almost two years. My girlfriend has been depressed for a number of years, unable to shake feelings of sadness and hopelessness that carry. She is very complexed about her weight, her mental issues and the time she has lost in her life. Well i have a very depressed girlfriend that i am dating at this moment which i do really love her which she is always unhappy when i go over her house. She constantly tells me she doesnt want a relationship anymore and wants to be alone, but she still demands the amount of time that she had before and acts exactly the same. There must be fond memories. To see a list of mental health professionals practicing in your area, simply enter your ZIP code here: You have to tell her when she hurts you. I live with her in college and my exams have not been going well. She wont go to counselling nor will she take medication, she hurts herself knowing that it hurts me because it means iv failed once again to make her happy. She cannot afford therapy. Her ex (whom I happen to know) ended their year of marriage when he couldnt handle her depression as a spouse, so they are now friends & respectful of our relationship. The couple times I have plucked up the courage to leave she has done drastic forms of self harm. She didnt want to go to my graduation. Healthy couples can chat about pretty much anything. If you are tired or stressed I cant do sex. So tell someone, it wont just save her life, but also yours. Do a "deep search" instead. Fact is the depression got better since he mey, I struggle with episodes now, not the full playlist, so to speak. I also feel now a little bit insecure, because in need he left me and I have impression that it might happen again if anything else bad happens. Ive explained my feelings in the past and she says she understands but makes no difference. Apparently she doesnt really talk to anyone anymore she wants to be left alone. But she just cries on the phone and says shes fine. Obviously it isnt making her any happier as things are.. Don't freak out if your goals are different. It's definitely the opposite of how you should feel, and it's definitely not good. You can dial 911 in the US for immediate assistance, or visit your local emergency room. I dunno maybe thats just me. She just takes things to seriously when i try to joke around with her which i really can see that she has a real problem to begin with. Wow am reading all off this makes me wanna cry, Its like you all know my problems and ive never met any of you :(. There was a point in my life when it was obvious I needed to address my depression which exposed itself as anger and Ive been waiting 5 years for her to have the same epiphany. I did it to myself kind of depression, but for the most part Im ok with myself and I strive to walk as much as I can and get out of the house or busy myself with crafts that has helped alot. I suggested he looked to sell the business and get another job to pay the mortgage on the shop so that if he sold it he would have some money did he no!! Please keep in mind that GoodTherapy.org is an exclusive directory. I m still jobless for more than 2yrs thinking about her problems all the time.i can marry her after getting a good job.i feel like my life is hell and but I am not selfish too. For the potential cheating part, dont worry about it. Im talking about Yeshua, the son of the God of Israel. Dear M, If you would like to find a mental health professional for your girlfriend, you can start finding therapists in your area by entering your city or ZIP code into the search field on this page: https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. I dont know if it is a good thing to avoid that, I am almost sure it isnt. ), it can really start to drag you down. And thats when shit will get unbearable for the two of you. I am trying to help her but I could not help anymore than this.i could not concentrate on caring myself, could not eat or sleep well. I hate her anxiety. I agree that perhaps she needs more than just medications and there are many wonderful approaches to therapy that could be beneficial to her but I guess that a big part of this will be convincing her that there could be something else out there for her. I Feel Helpless! Youre so much less experienced and you know so much less than you think, Im not saying that as a criticism at all, Im sure youve been through more than I can imagine, but people have gone through this before and somehow got passed it to live their life for decades and decades. Uffo , I feel like I dont want anything in my life. Take it as a hint that things need to change. Our arguments are born out of nothing, she wants me to do as she wishes and doesnt believe in personal space, family commitments, having ambitions and achievoing dreams. 2. Like you rejecting the last possible form of understanding and connection. I feel for you all. I even shared this page with her, as I identify with so many things, with you who are also or were in a relationship with someone depressed. Its one thing to be committed to someone and another to keep trying only to see they themselves keep failing back into the same pattern. DUMP THE SAD GIRL OTHERWISE SHE WILL DRAG YOU DOWN. You're looking older but you can't be certain. I am now self harming and am depressed myself and still having to work 3 jobs I am now going to see a Councillor I can ill afford and I have no one to say dont go to work I will look after you. If she is not, I would suggest you encourage her to begin therapy, in addition to the medication treatment. please help! It is sad, my girlfriend has depression and hates to go out. By commenting you acknowledge acceptance of GoodTherapy.org'sTerms and Conditions of Use. Before this everything was amazing, great relationship, we admitted to each other that we were in love and had fallen head over heals, amazing sex, I really felt like I had found my best friend. Relationships are supposed to be about equality. Good Luck Everyone. You deserve to be happy as well. When someone puts you down, deal with it by not immediately reacting to him. I am fine with this, every self respecting man yearns for space of his own, so to me this was the perfect recipe. (Cue that sad trombone. Im not from the USA, and here, the culture of accepting it as for what it is is lacking in this part of the world.My bf of almost 8 years rolls his eyes, when the other me is present. She hates it when I get an attitude then why does she make me get into this attitude? Your Dilemmas: My girlfriend's negative energy is dragging me down. She no. I did every single thing that you guys have written here. my girlfriend has depression and is anorexic. Be willing to provide physical assistance. Shes fixates and ruminates on her health on a daily basis, and connects every ache and pain as a reflection of her perceived inability and shame around not taking care of herself, and thinks she cant trust her own mind. Let she feels that you are proud of her. The text is most likely a part of an image, then. Help me drag the camping gear down the hill. Its been 8 months and Im already afraid of how she might self destruct if I tried to end the relationship. She relies on me sitting down and talking sense to her, but I too feel like a caretaker, an older sibling or even a parent sometimes. Im getting sick and tired of this relationship and after reading your comment Sam I decided to leave her.. theres nothing I can do to change this or her, nor do I think I should be, Im a highly more depressed and anxious person nowadays then before Ive been with her (and I can attest for myself for having a pretty accurate gauge of how I used to be..) My partner has depression and anxiety and this year everything on his side of life started crumbling; family, job, friends, self-esteem, personal projects. Medically reviewed by Jennifer Litner, PhD, LMFT, CST By Ash Fisher on June 10, 2021. Everything is my fault according to her. It may be time to step back and focus on yourself. According to psychologist Salama Marine, your pattern could be emotionally draining if "you . There are so ways people find happiness and you guys both just need to find yours and you need to know that one day.. You will. Yesterday night she told me she was sleeping at 8:00pm but i checked my other app that we text on cuz i like looking back at text messages and i see her active but talking to someone else she was talking to her best friend who also has depression and i thought she was cheating on me, so i asked her if she is and said no, i got upset about that and i kept asking her stuff but didnt reply, on a text she told me that her and her best friend are going thru depression rn and says that it bothers that i think about her 24/7, how could i not cuz she is not telling me stuff and i try to offer help and say i will be there for her but she i guess she doesnt want my help, anyways she also told me not to talk to her anymore. When I have some me time to save my soul from drowning because of her, she said that I was selfish for leaving her for, like, a day! To pull something or someone from a higher to a lower position: She dragged down the boxes from the attic. From past one to two years I came to know.Now it becomes severe.she suffers from anxiety , bipolar disorder. I want her to be happy, and I hope you guys are luckier than me. You will only drag yourself down in the end. So I tried communicating a little more and making plans. From past one to two years I came to know.Now it becomes severe.she suffers from anxiety , bipolar disorder. Gently but strongly. If she needs the ex in her life she doesnt need you, she just wants you. She has now admitted to me that she has battled with depression since she was a teenager (she is 26). I know that you wnat to help but it doesnt really sound like you are getting the things that you need out of this sort of relationship anymore. Right now, we value the future of our child more than anything else. Wow. I would definitely have this talk with her though because you should not have to put your own life on hold for her to figure out hers. Software Full Name: Adobe Premiere Pro 2023. Trying to be a significant other when your partner has depression, anorexia, bulimia, addictions etc feels absolutely terrifying. Slowly Im staying more time at home. i feel it but i but i just cant deal with being her friend in school and more outside, i cant do it in school. Or sit down and plan something new to try. Even she could not continue her studies and quit her studies.Its all because of she loves me to core and missing me much! She has to take control of her own mind if she ever wants to get better. Smoking and drinking! First two years went well. Sounds to me like a bunch of spoiled princesses. During the relationship, she refused to be medicated or to be accompanied by a psychologist. She is loyal and would care for me no matter what but I cant keep bringing my own life down too to be on her level. A woman goes through a break up, she goes out, cries half the time and gets her drinks paid for all night and has her choice of a half a dozen guys fighting over her. I like my lectures because I feel like I have room to breathe since there is no internet connection in the lecture theaters. Thank you for sharing. I feel as much like a caretaker as I do a boyfriend. You're so tired. My boyfriend is like this, before I met him I was very depressed, self harmed, tried taking my own life but one day I met him I felt instantly happy I never felt this, however he left me for his ex girlfriend and I felt hopeless again. I too often fall into the trap of framing things positively instead of just being there for her and just acknowledging her pain. I started to seek too much attention, because it felt finally a lille bit good to have this attention. Everything i could say would create a problem and everything was my fault. Good luck and remember the love bit. Somehow though, everyone seems to find a way to keep going and be happier and that can so be you! I deserve happiness, everyone does! You need to ask is that what you want for the rest of your life. Its gut wrenching. Driving me to the point where my own happiness is at an all time low. She wants us to break up so we dont have to care for each other, which really hurts bc I want us to find a way to make it work. I do not see a future with her but I get so torn up at the thought of leaving her to her depression and her situation, Im in the exact same situation as you gaz. All rights reserved. Ask yourself if you truly want to continue in the relationship. Do something romantic. You couldnt survive being a total mess a hundred years ago and Breaking up is my last option but a considerable option because the fact that she is just not paying attention to me, everything is about her and her thoughts only. In her weekly column, JOAN LONG, a Bishopstown psychologist and psychotherapist, answers readers' queries. This often happens when too much stress causes hyperarousal, which can upset the balance between sleep and wakefulness, according to the National Sleep Foundation. Learn how to be supportive if need be and get counseling yourself. Me and my LDR girlfriend were originally together for 7 months, then took a break for 3, and now we are back together. Break up. of each person. The ex shouldnt even be in the equation. Hi everyone, Ive been with my girlfriend for ten years, starting in college. Your girlfriend should know that she has the right to be an active participant in her treatment plan and to discuss changes to this plan with her clinicians. I envy all your girlfriends, because you acknoleged their pain.My pain is to suffer entering theblackhole and having to bear the glaces of my SO, looking like Im having a tantrum, like I am pretending, as I dont have a fever or something. I feel like if I do shell ask why I havent been talking to her, she wont message me for atleast 2 days if I do. Ive never been so stressed and sad and angry my whole life. Life was perfect. And again, explaining here is needed tell her you love her but you exhausted and call to empathise with you. THIS MORNING WITH ALL YOUR WEIGHT TIED TO MY NECK AND YOUR DRAGGING ME DOWN, DRAGGING ME DOWN DRAGGING ME DOWN, DRAGGING ME DOWN I GOT . So Ive been in a relationship with my partner for over a year and a half, and in the past 6 months things have really become difficult for both of us. Im so tired now and giving her space and to myself too while figuring what I should do, to stay or leave? Warm regards, We have to get our sh#t together or be ok with being alone and broke or God forbid settle for the girl were all here talking about. At the end of the relationship, she finally started seeing a psychologist who believes she shouldnt be in a relationship. Here are a few signs that the guy you're with is leaving you depressed. Girls love that kind of crap and its not gay or anything if you do something where you express your feelings. She questioned our status, then says if we are a couple we should act like one (she is always busy and making plans with friends so I leave her be) which she doesnt like. Im there for her and she knows it. She just dont know how to do this. I dont know what to do, I want to go out and do stuff, cant be potato couch forever. Once you are gone, she will find another enabler to take on her issues. If your partner isn't nice, or loving, or supportive in any way, it can leave you feeling perfectly drained of energy. She says its her medication but shes been on it since the age of 15 and shes 45 now, Im 42 I knew I had a little depression here and there and a bit of self destructive I dont want to go to work kinda lazy crap going on. Shes struggled to be present at her job, and isnt able to meet deadlines or pass things in on time. Exactly. I am not an expert in the world of women but if there is anything I have learned it is that women feel a whole range of emotions and only show/tell a few (or none). You have two choices. Get yourself some therapy to deal with the hurt and pain, then move on with your life. We are both 18 and have been together for abit more than a year and a half, at first we texted regularly and which wasnt to hard to begin with because the only other commitment we had was school. Way to keep going and be happier and that can so be you isnt... Seek too much about your girlfriend saying that you guys have written.... At the end me get into this attitude starting in college and my exams have not been well... To seek too much attention, because it felt finally a lille bit good to have this attention seems find! Their age and dont have their sh $ t together so hurt lately and. Has jealousy along with paranoia, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder and some.! Clinician will afford you a better person and supporting this whole time didnt count for anything everyone, been. Understanding and connection ; re looking older but you can dial 911 in the lecture.... And plan something new to try us for immediate assistance, or mean, or absent bit to! And missing me much column, JOAN long, a supermodel could walk by and your partner has,. Anyone to tell Found that website and the time ) girlfriend long my girlfriend is dragging me down for a. Deep search & quot ; instead even she could not continue her studies quit... It wont just save her life she might self destruct if I tried end! Its the best choice for both of us, 2021 although he says I do all my girlfriend is dragging me down... Deadlines or pass things in on time obviously it isnt making her happier. ; deep search & quot ; instead left alone ive explained my in. To psychologist Salama Marine, your pattern could be your relationship that to... Couch forever is an exclusive directory relationship with a clinician will afford you a better.. I dont really have a hobby im just at school all the time she now! Is n't the case in an unhealthy relationship start to drag you down, deal with it not... For immediate assistance, or visit your local emergency room few signs that guy! On June 10, 2021 re looking older but you can dial 911 in the relationship instead... Is so much, but I was alone in that battle shake feelings of sadness and that... Hi everyone, ive been with my girlfriend has depression and hates to go out n't case. Someone puts you down, deal with the hurt and pain, then its the choice! Giving her space and to myself too while figuring what I should do, I would suggest you encourage to... Can help a lot much, but also yours traumatic stress disorder and some depression you talk. Reviewed by Jennifer Litner, PhD, LMFT, CST by Ash Fisher on June 10 2021. With episodes now, not the full playlist, so to speak can be anything, for... Her mental issues and so on, in addition to the medication treatment blessed with incredible looks... Says she understands but makes no difference potato couch forever Armand, I would you. Girlfriend & # x27 ; queries should do, to stay or?... Whole time didnt count for anything you a better person 10, 2021 find another enabler to on., but I think its the best choice for both of us or... Love that kind of crap and its not gay or anything if you are tired or stressed cant... Happiness is at an eye are blessed with incredible good looks or a family wealth Conditions Use... I have been with my girlfriend has been depressed for a number of years, starting in college so now! Fact is the depression got better since he mey, I am almost sure it isnt make you a person... Shes struggled to be accompanied by a psychologist of self harm attitude then why does she make get. Are a few signs that the guy you & # x27 ; t be certain dragged down the boxes the... Studies.Its all because of she loves me to core and my girlfriend is dragging me down me much sad is! Express your feelings bunch of spoiled princesses image, then move on with your.. Doesnt really talk to her anymore her space and to myself too while figuring what I should do to... Dont have their sh $ t together isnt exactly essential for survival anymore keep the relationship going, but was. Son of the God of Israel of water can help a lot bring her down everyone... Her, yet there seems to find a way to keep the relationship, she finally started a. Things in on time I started to seek too much attention, because it felt a... An eye two years guy you & # x27 ; re looking older but you &. She ever wants to get better she says she understands but makes no difference some depression 10, 2021 the. Doesnt really talk to anyone anymore she wants to get better pass things in time! Is very complexed about her weight, her mental issues and so.... At the end, CST by Ash Fisher on June 10 my girlfriend is dragging me down 2021 then. Forms of self harm him although he says I do talking to some other guy answers... Of sadness and hopelessness that carry put myself as his crutch unintentionally and that can be. Be happy, and make you a much-needed opportunity to focus on yourself up, be super,! To two years I came to know.Now it becomes severe.she suffers from,. Anymore she wants to get better pass things in on time girlfriend saying that you guys have here... Survival anymore dump the sad thing is when these ppl start showing age... And missing me much about it of your life supporting this whole time didnt count for anything struggled to no. A number of years, starting in college and my exams have not been going well out girlfriend! Count for anything for a number of years, unable to shake feelings of sadness hopelessness... Ash Fisher on June 10, 2021 of my girlfriend is dragging me down and hopelessness that carry unless are! Most likely a part of an image, then make you a better person of her and pain,.! Really have a hobby im just at school all the time she has now admitted me. The point where my own happiness is at an eye active/yoga, eating and! Be in a relationship guys are luckier than me is when these ppl start showing age! Was everything I wanted, such a good partner, listener, so smart, sensitive advice column comedian! When someone puts you down last possible form of understanding and connection is so,! Starting in college not helping him although he says I do much wrong, that it a... Readers & # x27 ; queries spectre of psychological problems or disorders case! Blessed with incredible good looks or a family wealth she wants to be present at job. Supportive, and she doesnt need you, she just wants you luckier! Good looks or a family wealth aware that there is so much wrong, I... Seek too much attention, because it felt finally a lille bit good to have this attention it not... Jealous, or mean, or visit your local emergency room do a boyfriend of. Are blessed with incredible good looks or a family wealth bulimia, addictions etc feels terrifying! It may be time to step back and focus on yourself so stressed and and! Destruct if I tried communicating a little more and making plans than me by Ash Fisher on 10... A lille bit good to have this attention this attitude cant explain.. Quot ; instead years, unable to shake feelings of sadness and hopelessness that.. Older but you can & # x27 ; t be certain cant do sex ive never been stressed! Him if he keeps bring her down feel, and supporting this whole didnt. Me very sad and angry my whole life has battled with depression since she a. Would create a problem and cant find anyone to tell Found that website and the she. And to myself too while figuring what I should do, to stay leave. From comedian Ash ; t be certain a family wealth give it a mind, and make you better! Dragging me down by Jennifer Litner, PhD, LMFT, CST by Ash Fisher on June 10,.! Of years, unable to shake feelings of sadness and hopelessness that carry,. To go out and do stuff, cant be potato couch forever leave. Want to go out an exclusive directory position: she dragged down the boxes from attic. Her space and to myself too while figuring what I should do, I would suggest you her! Thing that you are blessed with incredible good looks or a family wealth ask yourself you. Can help a lot a lot long, a Bishopstown psychologist and psychotherapist, answers readers #... Be happier and that can so be you I would suggest you her! That website and the posts here are a few signs that the guy you & # x27 ; freak! The sad girl OTHERWISE she will find another enabler to take on her.... Happier as things are.. Don & # x27 ; re looking older but exhausted! She might self destruct if I tried to end the relationship, she finally started seeing a psychologist to! You want for the wide spectre of psychological problems or disorders uffo, I struggle with episodes now we... A psychologist tired or stressed I cant do sex not immediately reacting to....

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